Goodbye.

[Eulogy]

“Let’s go Brianna!” I had a huge surprise for her birthday, and she had no clue what she was in for. I looked at her for a moment. Her silky brown hair down to her shoulders, her crystal blue eyes gleaming in the sun. She got in the front seat and I got my new convertible Ford Mustang running.
   “So you were saying this is going to be the best birthday ever Aaron?” she said to me.
   “Of course.” She smiled at me and I smiled back. But who would of thought, this might be one of the last smiles I see from her.

   I got to her favorite restraunt, Tony Roma’s and we got out. We walked in and ordered our food. It was the best ribs I’ve ever had. It felt like the right time, as we had been dating for 3 years now. I got down on one knee and said: “Will you marry me?”
   “Yes! Of course!” We hugged, kissed, and then it felt like the right time to take her home. We got in my car, and I pulled out. It started raining as if someone put the ocean right above us. The wind picked up, gusts picking up to 55 mph. I had to get her home, because she was scared of all the flashes around us. I drove out of the parking lot and lighting flashed right next to the car. I drove a little faster, getting worried. Then before I knew it, I hear a loud “BANG!” I passed out.

   I woke to people yelling and screaming. The ground was covered in red, I slowly looked to the right and I saw doing compressions on Brianna.
   “Brianna! Brianna!” I stumbled onto her, crying. “Please wake up, please…” I cried harder. They rushed her to the hospital, after bandaging my head up. I felt like this was a dream, everything happened so fast, as if someone hit the fast-forward button on TV. We made it to the hospital and I sat out in the hall. Finally they called me in.

   “Aaron, she is going to be okay, from what we know.” My heart filled with joy, but then I heard a girl from the room she was in scream. I ran in and I looked cardiac monitor. It was slowly beeping, slower, slower, and slower…

   “I thought you said she would be okay!” I yelled. They were in shock, heads down. I walked over to her, put my hand on her stomach and whispered “I love you.” The cardiac monitor went silent…





-------Feedback Please------

[LeoReborn]

It was a Sad, yet beautiful story.

There were a couple times I Thought, 'Wait, What's he Saying?'

I also thought it went a little too fast after the crash.

You sped up at key times, and your visual detail was impressive.

[Eulogy]

Thank you a lot. I tried not making it to long, but thank you for the feedback. Glad you liked it! =D

[St. Jimmy]

I like it, it's sad and beautiful.

[Eulogy]

Thank you Jimmy. I will probably be writing more short stories. Just wrote this one yesterday. =D

[St. Jimmy]

Your welcome

[LeoReborn]

Thank you a lot. I tried not making it to long, but thank you for the feedback. Glad you liked it! =D

I can understand why You didn't, but Dont hold back. Let the Creativity Flow, and Perfect-sized chunks come out every time

Thank you Jimmy. I will probably be writing more short stories. Just wrote this one yesterday. =D

Like I said, Just because Its a 'Short Story' Doesnt mean it cant be 10 pages.

My entire Trilogy, I only consider One Story, because I only Kept going because everyone loved it.

[Eulogy]

Yeah I'll do that next time for my next short story. I had a story up here called "Jacob Thomas #1: The Transformation" but it was like 20 pages on Microsoft Word for just the 1st Chapter, so I posted that. But I don't think people would want to read that much lol.

Your Trilogy is amazing!

[LeoReborn]

Thanks, If you break That one into Smaller 6-10 Page Chunks, It will be easier to read.

[Eulogy]

So kinda like make into 3-4 parts?
Like Jacob Thomas Pt 1 Ch 1?

[LeoReborn]

Yeah, Its more like reading manga, Broken into many parts so you aren't reading a 30000 page novel.

Note: Massive Exaggeration used

[Eulogy]

Well I have started on this story that I was planning on breaking into parts, hopefully it does well on the forums. Thank you a lot for the great feedback.

Lol I can tell about the exaggeration.

[LeoReborn]

No problem.

[Declan_23]

Couple of tips: The time before the crash rushed by too fast. The whole meal took like 2 sentences. Had you gone into more detail here, it would have emphasised how quickly things happened afterwards. Other than that I like it, although your similies are a little... interesting.

[The Fireball Kid]

fix some of the grammar mistakes you made, ruins the story when you're reading sentences that doesn't make sense. Overall, I enjoyed reading it.