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Author Topic: Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.  (Read 3077 times)

Offline LeoReborn

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Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.
« on: November 23, 2010, 03:31:45 AM »
This is a story I have recently concieved.

Part I: Who is He?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is Trina, Im a Junior at Pullsprings High School in Georgia. Let me guess, never heard of us? I live the small town you pass on your way to Atlanta, Exit 14B. Yes, that little itty-bitty pinhead near Atlanta.

This new guy shows up in school today, and I have not the slightest idea, but immediately, he gave off this creepy stalker vibe. That, my friend, is an instant turn-off. I walked up to him gently, so I didn't send an, 'I'm going to yell at the top of my lungs, so you better plug your ears!' signal.
"What is your problem?"
"I'm sorry, what are you talking about?"
"You know damn well what."
"Do I even know you? Because I am seriously lost."
"I don't know you, but why do I get the impression you are a stalker-creep type of guy?"
"I don't know honestly. My name is Solin, nice to meet you."

I still didn't like the feeling I got from him, but I wasn't heartless, he deserved an introduction at least.

"My name is Trina, nice to meet you too, I guess"
Way to go, you made yourself look eager. Something was telling me he had a complicated past, and that I didn't want to know what it was.
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2010, 04:39:26 AM »
Mmm...
I notice you normally write from the point of view of a girl. Since I respect the art of literature, as well as dedicated practitioners of it, I will not make a gay joke here. In fact, being able to write effectively from the Point of View of the opposite sex shows a wee bit o' versatility.

However, when you begin dialog, try to give a decent indication as to who it is that's speaking. When it is a conversation between two people, simply stating who it is that's talking for each of their first lines would suffice. For instance:

"What is your problem?" I asked bluntly
"I'm sorry, what are you talking about?" he replied, a bewildered look on his face
"You know damn well what."
"Do I even know you? Because I am seriously lost."
"I don't know you, but why do I get the impression you are a stalker-creep type of guy?"
"I don't know honestly. My name is Solin, nice to meet you."

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2010, 03:47:18 AM »
Thanks for the tip.

Doesn't the Title make you think, (Why does it say I chase Her?)

By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2010, 03:51:09 AM »
Well, I figured it's foreshadowing, which can generally have its surprise ruined when you inquire about it.

Offline LeoReborn

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Re: Out of Reach, I Chase Her Anyway.
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2010, 04:09:35 AM »
You can now read Pt 2, to see if you were right.
By loving so many, I have touched their lives and helped them rebirth as well. To be strong is to instill strength in another.