Constructive criticism:
- The grammar isn't too great. If you're learning English, I suggest you learn it a little better before trying creative writing. If you're fluent, I suggest you improve grammatically before trying creative writing.
- The story isn't finished and you've double-posted. This is unnecessary. I suggest you use Notepad, Word or any other writing-based programme to write your story and them copy and paste it into one post.
- Different coloured writing, you don't need it. I think what you're trying to do is make Black's writing black and White's writing white to acknowledge who is speaking. This is unnecessary.
This is what you should do:
I yelled, "I'm two hours late!", that woke White up.
"What's..." she yawned, "...what's going on?"
I ignored her, quickly got dressed and grabbed my bag.
"Let's go!" I said confidently to myself. I ran downstairs to say goodbye to Mom.
I hope these points have helped you. I think of myself as somewhat of a writer and I'm sure you'll improve greatly in your next piece of work.
