Creative Discussions > Pokémon Roleplay
[Pending] Life as a pokemon
helper08:
then tell me how a spider can buzz...
Pubbles:
I think the focus has shifted a little too much.
It's not my place to adjudicate the current argument, and considering I have no idea what half of the things you refer to are, I am glad for that.
However.
As a writer, I feel obligated to help Jerry here get his point across...
The foundation (story) of this possible RP thread is full of holes and cracks. You can't build on such shaky ground...
So you need to do a few things.. The first thing would be to go back to the story and elaborate. Right now the story is about as detailed as a blank canvas, which is not such a bad thing, it means you can create MORE to fill the space. Take what you've already written, and add more to it. Details and explanations.. Make vague comments actually understandable by explaining your view and idea.
Then you need to organize what you write. Use paragraphs, make things that you want to be understood more legible. If you just toss a bunch of words together, even if the ideas are great, you'll get little out of it...
Next thing is to use what information, opinions and arguments that have been presented to strengthen your story. Jerry is telling you to make things more reasonable because your statements and outlines were extremely vague and undefined.
If people are going to RP in this world, they need to know their world has limits, rules, boundaries and then they know where they can function and how. You can't just give people nothing to go on, then later turn around and tell them they were wrong when they did something you didn't explain wasn't allowed.
To be a good GM for an RP, you have to know your RP world very well, areas, weather, interactions, environment, etc...
At the moment you're showing Jerry (and the others) that you DON'T in fact know very much about the world you wish people to RP in... Which is probably why it hasn't been approved.
I just wanted to try to help, so don't think I'm mean or anything... I just know stories, and a lot about RP, and figured my opinion and explanation might help.
helper08:
--- Quote from: Pubbles on July 06, 2012, 11:59:28 PM ---So you need to do a few things.. The first thing would be to go back to the story and elaborate. Right now the story is about as detailed as a blank canvas, which is not such a bad thing, it means you can create MORE to fill the space. Take what you've already written, and add more to it. Details and explanations.. Make vague comments actually understandable by explaining your view and idea.
Then you need to organize what you write. Use paragraphs, make things that you want to be understood more legible. If you just toss a bunch of words together, even if the ideas are great, you'll get little out of it...
Next thing is to use what information, opinions and arguments that have been presented to strengthen your story. Jerry is telling you to make things more reasonable because your statements and outlines were extremely vague and undefined.
If people are going to RP in this world, they need to know their world has limits, rules, boundaries and then they know where they can function and how. You can't just give people nothing to go on, then later turn around and tell them they were wrong when they did something you didn't explain wasn't allowed.
To be a good GM for an RP, you have to know your RP world very well, areas, weather, interactions, environment, etc...
--- End quote ---
I'm hoping I fixed a lot of that, the environment I hoped to be explained when I actually start the rp, and I suddenly had this 'great' idea to make a strange scene about the birth of the masterball in that world and making it seem like a movie, (IDK whether it's a good idea though)
Jerry:
--- Quote from: helper08 on July 06, 2012, 10:49:31 PM ---then tell me how a spider can buzz...
--- End quote ---
Through strong vibrations of its abdomen.
Thanks pubbles :)
Proofread your backstory again, there are lots of mistakes.
--- Quote ---this is due to the fact that the pokemon in this 'super region' have evolved and changed because you have adapted to the change and learned much more.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---as they do not have the ability to use attacks and have the athletic ability and capability to fly
--- End quote ---
Those two are very much contradictory and neither make much sense.
The idea of capturing Pokemon to then kill them all makes even less sense.
helper08:
and that's a lot....
anyways I fixed those things, but I don't see why the last one doesn't make since so I didn't change it
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