Trip in Time

[Blaze]

Here's a piece of writing I had to do for my english GCSE coursework. Following on from reading The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells, we had to write a short, blunt story on our trip to the future or past, and then somehow persuade the listeners to go there as well. Since my choices were fairly open, I chose the story to relate to things happening now, which you'll see when you read it.
I think it's 676 words in total, so pretty short for my liking. It didn't take very long to thaw out a basic storyline, and then an hour or two to finalize my vocabulary and polish it off a little.



My trip to the future was a very strange one. Using my time machine I managed to travel to the year two thousand, three hundred and eleven. What I saw struck me as devastating. When I first stumbled out of my compartment, dishevelled and disorientated, I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the light of the outside world. I looked around, perplexed, at my environment.
There appeared to be no sign of anything at all. There was only the ground, a few tufts of grass sticking up here and there, and then there was me and my time machine. The obscurity of the moment was unsettling. There was no sign of anything, not a thing in existence.
Maybe I should go back, I thought, but my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to see what caused the removal of everything I had known three hundred and two years ago. But with nothing to lay eyes upon as far as the eye could see, there was no hint of where I should begin my journey. Before I could decide on my direction however, I spotted a single tower in the distance.
It sat right on the horizon, no doubt a few miles away, so I set off at a steady pace. On closer inspection of the tower, it wasn’t that high at all. It was perhaps a metre high, with a circular base a foot in diameter. As I was a few steps away I could see that it had a cylindrical button on top. When I reached it, I looked at it for a few seconds. I knew there was no way I could turn back now.
This was the only evidence of life here for miles around. I snapped out of my trance of thought and pressed the button down slowly. As I lessened the pressure and released the button back up I could immediately hear, and feel, the sounds of something mechanical beginning to initialize. The noise and rumbles spread right through the ground, into my feet and body. The vibrations were no doubt coming from the ground.
Before I had a chance to move, the floor literally opened. It turns out that I was standing right next to the entrance. The hole was square-shaped, and opened slowly but surely. The opening revealed a ladder, which I reluctantly climbed, however I did not have any regrets.
Over the next few hours I met something that was at least familiar to me, a fellow human, many in fact. None of them seemed particularly interested in me, but they responded when I asked them what had caused the eradication of the human race above ground. “The war”, they told me. Apparently the decisions to switch to renewable energy sources had failed, and once the fossil fuels had run out, all hell broke loose when countries started fighting each other for the last scraps of energy.
Inevitably nuclear weapons got involved. No one knows who struck first, but they did. The lucky few that had foreseen the earth’s fate had bunkered underground, and started a civilisation there. The people couldn’t venture outside for the fear of radioactivity; they were surprised that I hadn’t contracted any.
They had all the things that I remembered from the year two thousand and nine: Computers, televisions, radios, and telephones. The only difference between their world and mine was that there was no pollution. The people had vowed never to pollute their new subterranean world. They produced electricity by harnessing geo-thermal energy from the core of the earth.
Because it was underground, no one thought there would be any air, but there was, except this time the air was crystal clear of all pollutants, which made it easier to live and work and have fun.
I highly recommend that you too visit this world. It takes a while getting used to, but it’s worth it. It took a lot of self persuasion to come back!



I got an A* for it, if you're interested.

[DayStar]

Is this to persuade or original writing?
Either way it's very very good, don't know if it was worth an A* (that's my teachers fault for judging things harshly), but very good, a bit short but just the right amount to give a message of slight hope and love, I believe that this story although doesn't mention it, it is about these things if you look beyond what your told (also war and hatred ofcouse )

[Blaze]

Is this to persuade or original writing?
Either way it's very very good, don't know if it was worth an A* (that's my teachers fault for judging things harshly), but very good, a bit short but just the right amount to give a message of slight hope and love, I believe that this story although doesn't mention it, it is about these things if you look beyond what your told (also war and hatred ofcouse )

While not A* for just a writing piece, it was originally meant for a speaking assessment, so I had a couple of minutes to read it out, and I managed to do that with very limited notes, so that was what got me the mark.

I think it was mostly original writing, but we had to do a persuasion piece in line with the curriculum.

[spirit]

i really enjoyed it. there were i think 2 grammatical errors i found while reading it, but i love the way you included current events, and kept things bright, simple, and effective.

i noticed a hint of "the matrix" in there, but thats ok since i love that series.

also, i could see this being adapted into a film about a guy who lives through the events we are no doubt on the verge of experiencing, and being fortunate enough to come across this civilization.
..... just so long as Roland Emmerich doesn't make it....unless he goes back to his roots

[DayStar]

While not A* for just a writing piece, it was originally meant for a speaking assessment, so I had a couple of minutes to read it out, and I managed to do that with very limited notes, so that was what got me the mark.

I think it was mostly original writing, but we had to do a persuasion piece in line with the curriculum.

Oh! Thanks for clearing that up, well for a speaking I think that's amazing, very happy for you

[Blaze]

there were i think 2 grammatical errors i found while reading it

Please tell, I can edit it, I won't be able to live without knowing what I spelt wrong lol

[DayStar]

None of them seemed particularly interested me,

That's one I noticed - can't see any others though...

[Blaze]

None of them seemed particularly interested me,

That's one I noticed - can't see any others though...

Ah, edited it. None of them seemed particularly interested IN me...

I actually think it was MSWord that did that 

[spirit]

I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes adjust to the light of the

i believe it should say "allowing my eyes to adjust to the light"

The lucky few that had foreseen the earth’s fate and had bunkered underground, and started a civilisation there.

sentence fragment

[Jerry]

Not bad and it deserves your A*. Keep up with the news and you'll do very well in the upcoming years

[Declan_23]

For my GCSE coursework, I also wrote about a post - apocaliptic world. However mine was a little bit longer at 1697 words. And I only got a B. Will post it if anybody is interested. Yours is very interesting though

[Jerry]

1697 words!! No wonder you had a B. More words means more room for mistakes.

Even on A-Level, you are advised to write between 800-1000 words. I often consider my maximum to be 1200 words, because the examiner himself would be bored... except if he or she is really interested in the topic you have chosen, and has your copy as one of the first to correct.

[Blaze]

I blinked a few times, allowing my eyes adjust to the light of the

i believe it should say "allowing my eyes to adjust to the light"

The lucky few that had foreseen the earth’s fate and had bunkered underground, and started a civilisation there.

sentence fragment

Fixed. Thanks to everyone for the critisism/praise.

[spirit]

Thanks to everyone for the critisism/praise.

ahem... constructive critisism


oh yeah,
and once again,
excellent job, i really enjoyed reading that

[Declan_23]

1697 words!! No wonder you had a B. More words means more room for mistakes.

Even on A-Level, you are advised to write between 800-1000 words. I often consider my maximum to be 1200 words, because the examiner himself would be bored... except if he or she is really interested in the topic you have chosen, and has your copy as one of the first to correct.

To be perfectly honest mine was one of the shorter ones in my class . I just tend to get carried away with the story rather than making sure that it's all gramatically correct

Here it is :

http://pokemon-universe.com/index.php/topic,222.0.html

Thanks for reading, hopefully you didn't die of boredom first.