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Author Topic: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success  (Read 4382 times)

Offline partyprash

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PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« on: October 01, 2010, 09:45:15 PM »
The Sandstorm kept raging at us! Everything I’ve ever lived for... Gone! All I have now is the life I was gifted and my dear, Bulbasaur, Bulba. I held on to my Bulba close, not knowing where I was or what to do. All I can see is darkness below and the fierce night sky above. Unexpectedly a great blue light filled the air! I found it hard to keep hold of the ledge I was stranded on. That’s when I saw it. I finally saw it! Next minute I was flying over the night sky over the cities and lush forests teeming with life!

Part 1
I woke up from the sounds of laughter and commotion outside my bedroom window. I rushed out to see what all the fuss was about waking me up so early on a Saturday morning. There was a thick crowd of people circling around something. I was too small to see over anyone and tried to catch a glimpse of what was so “special.” I crawled through the crowd and made it to the front. It was a Pokémon trainer! Our town has never seen a Pokémon trainer before. He was tall, Confident, Happy, Stylish, and looked so Powerful! Everyone looked up to him, adored him…
“Hey Prash, Get to work now! Mr.Ohlram is waiting for you at the Bakery, he called five times!” Yelled my mother from the window.
 I got home put on my uniform and strolled off to work.
Upon Arrival, I hung up my coat and went behind the counter…

 “On the right we have Prash, Pokémon champion for five years and running, On the left we have the beautiful Elite Challenger Kyrié Kanhee.

Prash: Bulba, I choose you!
Kyrie: [chuckles] Go Ninetails!

The Pokémon Glared into each other’s eyes. I thought to myself, My Grass Pokémon is no match for her Fire type, I can’t give up! “Bulba, Get it with a vine whip attack” – “Dodge it Ninetails, Get it back with a Flamethrower attack” Nine tails roared out a Blaze of fire at Bulba. The flame was so intense that the whole arena  filled with smoke and ash making the surroundings impossible to see. A powerful seam of light started to focus directly into the center of the tournament, the smoke started clearing away and Bulbasaur appeared in the center absorbing all this light, “ Bulba! SOLAR BEAM ATTACK!! “ Bulbasaur leaped into the air and… “ Hey Kid!! Oi Prash!! WAKE UP!! There is a customer waiting to be served! What am I paying you for, you blasted kid. I don’t even know why your parents would adopt a good for nothing child like you, They should be ashamed of themselves!?!”

Not being able to say anything back to my boss I quietly said sorry to the customer and served him warm scones with some chocolate milk.

I thought…“someday I’m going to be somebody… the world best Pokémon trainer! I’ll encounter all the legendary Pokémon and own every type of Pokémon in existence! I’ll show these people I am capable of becoming something great! Someone people will want to meet, and learn from! A person people will look up to!”
« Last Edit: October 01, 2010, 09:51:49 PM by partyprash »

Offline partyprash

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2010, 09:48:25 PM »
Please let me know if i should keep writing these little episodes...

Please keep in mind, English is not my first language, so im sorry for any grammatical erroes :(

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2010, 10:49:11 PM »
The Sandstorm kept raging at us! Everything I’ve ever lived for... Gone! All I have now is the life I was gifted and my dear, Bulbasaur, Bulba. I held on to my Bulba close, not knowing where I was or what to do. All I can see is darkness below and the fierce night sky above. Unexpectedly a great blue light filled the air! I found it hard to keep hold of the ledge I was stranded on. That’s when I saw it. I finally saw it! Next minute I was flying over the night sky over the cities and lush forests teeming with life!
Ehm... what does this have to do with the rest of the story?

Also, the transition to and from the dream in the middle was pretty rough. You should have had him working for a little bit, and then getting tired, and putting his head down.

Aside from that, nice work.

Offline partyprash

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2010, 11:49:13 PM »
Yea :( i know its a little rushed, im going to do it over i guess... and take things a lot slower :(

The paragraph u quoted = present time

the whole story is all the events that lead to this point in his life :)

Offline Frenchfry

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2010, 11:56:15 PM »

Offline Jerry

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2010, 03:52:49 PM »
I liked it but yes, I didn't know what was the first paragraph's link with the rest and I initially thought that the main character was watching television until he was awoken :P

I'll be looking forward for the next parts of the episodes.

Oh one thing, right. If you feel that you rushed somewhere, don't rush next time. Take your time to make it better :)
No one can go back and change a bad beginning; but anyone can start now and create a successful ending.
If a problem can be solved, no need to worry about it. If it cannot be solved what is the use of worrying?

Currently playing Pokemon XY/ORAS/Shuffle and Clash of Clans and testing out PokemonRevolutionOnline and Dragonmon Hunter....
Also, forum notification emails are not getting in my inbox... again...

Offline partyprash

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #6 on: October 02, 2010, 04:22:32 PM »
Thanks Jerry :)
very much, im really not a confident writer cuz my english in sot too good, but i try :) thanks for the feedback.
lol, i wouldnt have made it him watching tv or anything, lol its too similar to pokemon season 1 episode 1 lol :)

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Re: PokePrash The Story Behind the Success
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2010, 07:55:16 PM »
keep writing, it can be a nice story