A Stranger's Grace

[LeoReborn]

Ok.
This will be the first story I've written in a while.

-FAQ-
Q: What did you consider your best series?
A: Shards. While it missed things that I could have done to make it work better, the truth is, it was my first, and I liked it.

Q: What about the series you didn't finish?
A: I know, I know.... Look, The first parts of those didn't get good reviews... but YES, I will finish them later on, I would like to see how this goes.

Q: What POV is this?
A: It varies, you'll just have to read on.
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A Stranger's Grace, Part I
~~~~Impact~~~~


Things were getting far too chaotic at my house. The perfect storm of hardships was inevitable. Money was tight, our father had passed away, and to end it, we got repossessed. We were lucky we got to keep our house. It was driving me nearly to the point of insanity. I knew I had to do something, otherwise, I might just end up hurting my kin. So I took the old Cadillac. It was old to the point where it didn't come with seatbelts, so we had to make due. The seatbelts we installed were just thick fabric strips. We did not really have anyplace to get seatbelts installed where we lived. That's why we had to fashion our own. Now you're probably thinking, "Why did he take the old car?" I didn't want to take the good car, and leave them with this one. That would have been cruel and selfish.
Well... that, and it was the only car I had keys to.
So, I was on my way, hoping a late night drive through our county would calm me down. As I went on, the thought of home never left my mind, and thus, tensed me further. It was at the point where the Sandman struck, and the exhaustion, insecurity, and anxiety proved to be a horrific mix. I was drifting into the wrong lane, and by the time I realized it, it was far too late. A car came, and while it wasn't a full head-on crash, it wasn't pretty either. Our cars hit in such a way, that my car made a perfect ninety-degree turn, at the cost of blocking both lanes. Sadly, that wasn't all. Another car came, and crushed the side of my Cadillac. My seatbelt snapped, and I was shot through the windshield. I flew past the guardrail, hit the ground, then blacked out. I still- while out cold- felt as though I were still moving.

[Mr Pokemon]

It was short. But it was okay.
There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. I can't really find what else was wrong that made it not great..
Maybe you could add some more background (Setting and characterization)
Also when you get to the crash, you could try dramatically shortening the sentences to emphasize it.

[LeoReborn]

Sure..... I may as well try that.

NO Grammar/Spelling errors detected. Am I missing something?

[Mr Pokemon]

Sure..... I may as well try that.

NO Grammar/Spelling errors detected. Am I missing something?

That may have been my mistake. I'm not sure.

[Mr. Fox]

i am not a professonal writer, but that is cool

[OmegaMarko]

Yeah,I´m agree with Mr.Rex,that is cool
That or this?I´m don´t know,my english is not so good.


Please,help me with this(or that)Egg quest:

[Frenchfry]

He got died.
It would have been nice to hear a little bit about what was going on in his house at the time besides chaos.

[LeoReborn]

I realize that now, Ill edit that in sometime

[LeoReborn]

finally edited what Fry suggested.

Pt 2

~~~~Angel~~~~

I was in Liamsburg Park, with my two younger sisters, we went to the park in the early morning to jump-start the day. I had to watch them constantly, because my mom worked all day to keep our family stable, seeing as Dad died a couple years back. I was following the dusty path, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something. I drew my vision toward it, and it took me a while to register, but when I did, all that escaped was a gasp. There, near a Forcithia Bush in front of me, there lay a boy, about my age, bruised and scraped up.
"Did he get mugged or something? No, the injuries are to brutal to be a mugging."
I turned around, and hesitated for a bit.
"I can't just leave him here..."
I threw his limp body over my shoulder, then proceeded toward my siblings.
"Elsie, Nala, We better go home."
"Who's that, Cyala?" Nala asked,
"I don't know, but they need my help."
We set off to our home, lucky us, we had to get him and my sisters all in there. I laid him acrost the back row, and had my sisters up front.
I was going about 55 Mph, and then of all things, sirens are blaring behind me. Great....
I pulled over, and asked,
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
"It's raining, just because the sign says 55, doesn't mean it's safe. I'm letting you off with a warning."
"That all?"
"Let's see... why you got a guy layin' in the back?"
"Well, I found him collapsed in the park, and I couldn't just leave him. I'm taking care of him for a while."
"By any chance, would he have something to do with the '230 Crash'?"
"The what?"
"There was a crash up on Route 230, about 8 hours ago."
"I didn't know that."
"They're covering it during the 7:30 news today, on Channel 6."
"Okay, thanks Officer. Have a nice day."
"You too miss."
...
On our arrival home, I laid him down on an air mattress that was elevated so I could reach him. Immediately, I put some peroxide on his scars to clean them, then patched him up.
Nala said, "What's for supper? I'm starving Cyala."
"Well, it is 7:25, no wonder. How do pancakes sound?"
"Yay! Pancakes!!!"
*BUZZ* #Your Channel 6 News at 7:30. ... There was a crash at about midnight last night, on Route 230, near Liamsburg. The crash involved 3 cars, a Cadillac, Chevy and Ford. The driver of the Cadillac was wearing a seatbelt, but it snapped, and traveled through the windshield. The drivers impact point, location, and appearance are all unknown. Please contact the authorities if you have valid information on them. Now to Les, for Weather...#
"So that's what he was talking about... I don't have valid info yet, so I will focus on fixing him up.... Oh no!!!! the pancake is burning!!!!!"

[Jerry]

I would say it's borderline on realism, and one little barely noticeable mistake:

"No, the injuries are to brutal to be a mugging." to "No, the injuries are too brutal to be a mugging."

[LeoReborn]

I do mess up on trivial things like that.

What do you mean by 'Borderline on realism'?

[Frenchfry]

He means that you'd better get a greencard if you want it to get any closer to Realism.

[Jerry]

Like... if someone founds an injured person, the first reaction is to call an ambulance. Not every one knows what exactly to do in case of a severe injury, where lost of consciousness is involved.

If a cop now finds someone unconscious in a car (and let's say that car was being driven suspiciously), he'd not just let the driver/car occupants get away like that, especially knowing that there was an accident and a missing casualty.

Well, that's why I'd say it's borderline on realism because I can only think of such a situation in only exceptional cases cases.

[Mr. Fox]

I like it!

[LeoReborn]

Well, You guys have waited long enough, here's Part 3.


Pt 3
~~~~~~Sequence~~~~~~


"It's okay Cyala. It won't hurt me to eat it."
"Ok, if you insist Nala. Get your sister and tell her it's breakfast time. I have to check on him."
With a worrisome aura filling my body, I rushed to him, having every intent of caring for him as best I could. His gauze bandages were soaked in blood and dust, so I removed them. His wounds had closed up, but they were rather filthy. Taking notice that he was still in a coma, I took a peroxide-soaked cotton ball, and wiped the cuts. I found it odd, that as I was cleaning the muddy scrapes, his body cringed, as if struck with a low-amperage charge. I finished sanitizing his limp body, and reapplied the gauze. To make sure his body would be comfortable, I readjusted the pillows, and covered him back up. The girls were finishing up when I heard a groan. Weird, it sounded male... I shifted around, made my way back to the bed and asked,
"Are you able to speak?"
"Yes."
"Do you remember your name?"
"My name, is Kane." he said this in a raspy tone that was difficult to hear.
"Would you like some water Kane?"
"Yes, please. You wouldn't happen to have any tea, would you?"
"I grow my own leaves, I find it makes more of a fullness in the tea."
"Can we have some later?"
"Sure....Don't even attempt to get up, you are still healing. Actually, I just finished patching you up."

So he laid there, staring at the sky that I painted on the ceiling, the clouds looked solid enough to lay on, yet soft enough to console the most heavily bruised man alive. I wanted to ask him so much more, but I held back. I had to. After all, he just woke up. Imagine playing 50 Questions with the first person that you see in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To make up for being lazy, here a sneak peak, of my most recent idea:

Dreamscape

I stood in a field of gray, mist everywhere, and I come to the realization, that I am on a mountain side. I heard a girl's voice chatting, followed by a loud crack, then a piercing scream.
She was screaming in French, and I took French III last year.
She either said,
"HELP! I'm going to die!" or "This tree limb can die!

...Shows how much French I know.
"I'll save you!"
Not that she understood English...
I reached my hand down, and as if she understood, extended her other hand up. I grasped it, only to find that my hand passed through hers. The limb broke and weight fell beneath it.



I had everything. I was at the top of my class, an Honor Society member, I even did tons of volunteer work, albeit I have the muscles of the Pillsbury Doughboy, nonetheless, I had everything I ever wanted. At least until the dreams started.