Pokemon Chronicles: Gifted Ones

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Part 1- Introduction

          Once, there were trainers. The trainers worked their way up to competing against each other. As more championships arose, more code names were created for the winners. These Champions each had a code name that were passed down each generation.  There were colors coded for these families’ generations. Red, Blue, Gold, Silver, and Gray were the code names for the people recognized as the “Elite Horses.” Gray is the Overall best, Red and Gold tied for second, and Blue and Silver for last. Five years after the birth of  Daveto by Red & blue and Siriana by Gold and Silver,  the children were friends and received their pokemon of choice, which is where our story begins…

[Frenchfry]

I'm not sure how I could critique this, except by rewriting it and saying "THIS is how it should look," which I would be happy to do in a PM, but it strikes me as a little too "look at me" to put right here.

That being said, I like the plot, and the way it ties together all the earlier games. Also, try to think of a better name than "Elite Aces". It's a little redundant, and not all that catchy.

One more thing: Who are the women in the relationships between RedxBlue and GoldxSilver? That strikes me as an important detail.

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Blue and Silver are the women.  How does 'Elite Horses' sound?

[Frenchfry]

Much better.

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Part 2- Shining Darkness

Daveto was the son of Red and Blue and the friend of Siriana, The daughter of Gold and Silver. They watched their parents go at each other in a double battle. Since that point, they wanted to be better than everyone, even the Elite Horses.  Red gave Daveto a Charmander and Blue gave him a Treecko. Siriana was given a  Chimchar by Gold and a Mijumaru by Silver. The parents gave them a level counter to see how close their pokemon was to learning a new move. They confronted each other with their new pokemon and counters. “Want a Double battle, Siriana?” asked Daveto. Siriana grinned and said, "Of course. Go Mijumaru and Chimchar!”  “ This is going to be interesting. Treecko and Charmander, it’s show time!” All four of the pokemon looked around to see their surroundings. Daveto and Siriana knew then that they were crossbreed hatched. “Chimchar, Show me your strongest move on that Charmander.” Chimchar looked at its fist as the fingers turned yellow. It jogged towards the Charmander and threw an electrified punch “Cool! Thunder Punch,” said Siriana with joy. The Thunder Punch hit Charmander with somewhat force and knocked him back a little. “Mijumaru, your turn. Your strongest move please.” Mijumaru aimed at the Trekko when it took the shell off of its belly and swung at the air. Some material formed and headed at Treecko. It hit Treecko in the neck, knocking him back a bit more. “Nice Air Slash."   “Treecko, Charmander,” he said with concern, “are ya’ll alright?” Both pokemon nodded. Daveto put on his level counter. This also shows the current moves it knows. “Let’s counter-attack. Charmander, Dragon Rush on Chimchar! Treecko, Energy Ball on Mijumaru!” Charmander ran towards with little exerted energy. Right as Charmander was about to strike, it fell and it’s tail hit Chimchar instead, both of them laying on the ground. Treecko created a ball of protons and electrons and shot it at the Mijumaru with decent speed. “Reflect it!” Mijumaru held up her shell and the Energy Ball pushed her back pretty good before it went back to Treecko. “Use Pound on your Energy Ball,” he reacted. Treecko couldn’t react fast enough. Instead, it hit Treecko right in the face. Treecko eye were swirled, meaning it couldn‘t battle. Daveto worried about the way this was going, though neither of them wanted to lose. “Charmander, come over here.”  it did and Chimchar was also back on its feet. “Time to wrap this up,” smirked Siriana, “Chimchar, Thunder Punch! Mijumaru, Tackle! Both at full power!” Both pokemon gained a burst of speed.
   “ Charmander,” he said confidently, “ you gotta get mean. Gotta get angry!” those words struck Charmander like a bullet. Chimchar started to use Growl, and his tail’s fire tip started to grow. “Show that anger!” Energy  started to form around it. A bit more, actually. “Let’s try this again… Dragon Rush!” Charmander jumped the bullet with amazing speed, even though they were still slow. The three collided and smoke arose. When the smoke cleared, the only one who was standing was Mijumaru, but barely.  Red, Blue, Silver, and Gold came out clapping. Siriana’s reason was for winning the battle. Daveto’s reason was for boosting  Charmander’s Dragon rush a little in its first battle. Both were satisfied and became rivals from that point on…

[Aka-Kami]

There were minor grammatical errors in Part 2, such as..

it hit Treecko right in the face. Treeckoes/'s eyes were swirled, meaning it couldn‘t battle. 

And..

“Time to wrap this up,” smirked Siriana, “Chimchar, Thunder Punch! Mijumaru, Tackle! Both at full power!”

But otherwise, the story is very interesting and original, i'd liek to read more :3

[Mr. Fox]

you might try separating it up a bit, i had a hard time reading it...

[Frenchfry]

Whenever there's a new speaker, start a new line.

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Got it.

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Sorry for the long wait, everyone. HW and school kep me from doing this, but now it my chance to get some bonus points for my grade. Any whozit...

Part 3- Tragedy

   During four years of Daveto and Siriana battling, their looked changed, and the four

pokemon grew stronger. Siriana had sky blue hair that went below her shoulders and a little

going in front of her right eye, wearing a white dress with light green sleeves and white shoes,

and baby blue eyes. Daveto had brown eyes, silver hair with spikes going backwards, wearing a

black hat, black dress shirt with a blue T-shirt, black dress pants with one pants leg having the

cross of Christianity and the other having the Phantom symbol, finishing it with black dress shoes

including yellow at the base of them. Ten days before their next birthday. That was all they

needed to know that they would soon officially become trainers. To celebrate, they were going to

battle each other one last time as children. “All right, Siriana. Let’s do this,” said Daveto in an

intimidating voice. Siriana  gave a quizzical look while she said, “Right, let’s. Dewott, Chimchar,

ready?” Both pokemon nodded. Dewott took her stance of a dual swordsman. Chimchar was

ready to punch for the win. Daveto expected nothing less from his rival, but he was

prepared. “Grovyle, Charmeleon, stand by for battle,” he said.  They were let out of their poke

balls, capsules that take the shape of a ball, and they took their stances. Grovyle took a stance

of a dual swordsman with a hint of a magic swordsman. Charmeleon just stood with his arms

folded around his chest, his tail is burning in the shape of a phoenix. Daveto took action first by

commanding, “Charmeleon, Slash on Chimchar. Grovyle, Fury Cutter on Dewott.” Grovyle sped

to the Dewott while Charmeleon  grew his middle claw for power as he stood there. “Dewott, Fury

Cutter on Grovyle. Chimchar, mega Thunder Punch on Charmeleon,” reacted Siriana. Chimchar

jumped backwards a good distance and bowed his head down and closed his eyes. He placed one

of his hands straight backwards and used the other to grab the shoulder. The hand electrified

immensely to the point where Chimchar had to clench his teeth. He dashed off quickly at

Charmeleon. Charmeleon jumped sky high  and prepared his Slash. Chimchar jumped to him

and the moves collided, slowly descending them both to the ground with the move still intact.

   During the Fury Cutter face-off, Dewott was winning. She finally knocked Grovyle

down, but not out. Grovyle got up and was tired, as was Dewott. Suddenly, green waves of aura

began to form around Grovyle and Dewott released water from her feet. Both Daveto and Siriana

put on their Scouters. They seen that Dewott’s water type moves and Grovyle’s  grass type

moves increased in power dramatically. Siriana was the first to get out of  shock and shouted, “

Water Pulse then Shell Blade!” She shot a big ball of water then  took both of her two shells off of

her chest and created blades of water that took the shape of two long swords.  Daveto acted

quickly. “Grovyle charge up an Energy Ball and eat it.” He didn’t hesitate and did so. The effect

was that the blades on his arms started glowing in rainbow colors. Daveto then shouted, “Dodge

the Water Pulse and use Leaf Blade!” Grovyle bare dodged the attack and met Dewott with Leaf

Blade. When the moves collided, Dewott was easily forced out of his way. It fainted. “Awesome,

Grovyle,” Cheerfully said Daveto, “That’s payback.”

   “You won by type advantage,” Siriana said displeasingly. They both turned to

Charmeleon and Chimchar. When Daveto was about to say something,  the ground shook a little,

increasing in power as the sound was getting louder. “Venusaur, Frenzy Plant; Blastoise, Hydro

Cannon; Typhlosion, Eruption,” Someone said in the distance. Before the children knew it, the

ground shook tremendously and plants with sword-like thorns whipping everyone around except

Siriana and Daveto. Red and Blue came out and seen the hydro cannon  rushing towards them.

Both Red and Blue sent out  Magnezone. “Zap Cannon,” said Red. “Flash Cannon,” said Blue. The

three moves collided and ended with a tie. Right as things seemed okay, lava and meteors of

flames came towards them. Gold and Silver came out of their house. Gold and Silver sent out

Vaporeon. “Surf,” they both commanded. Their water combined shot straight up in front of

everybody. Steam seeped through the water and that ended in a draw. Red gave Daveto another

pokeball. “Go to the docks with Siriana,” he whispered, “Show the pokemon in the ball to the man

that controls the docks and he’ll get you to the Sinnoh region.” the same thing was pretty much

said to Siriana by Silver. Two pokeballs came out of the air and they, the children caught them. A

voice emitted from afar. “Take these as a token  for being in my cat and mouse game, for it

starts now.”

   “It’s Gray…” Gold and Blue trailed off in their words. Siriana and Daveto took a glance

on Gray’s figure and took off, looking back at their parents one last time to see them have their

thumbs up with them saying, “No need to worry, future Elite Horses…” Siriana held her tears as

she and Daveto put their thumbs up back at them and said, “You will never leave us, our Elite

Horses…” On that note, they ran through the forest for cover.

[Frenchfry]

Whenever there's a new speaker, start a new line.

Double spacing isn't necessary for each line. Double space for new paragraphs, not the whole thing.

[PkMn Trainer Black]

I'll try that. the only reason It was double spaced is because that's how i'm typing it for my story since if it seems good to Mr. Stephens, then i'll get extra credit.

[Jerry]

Good, go on

[PkMn Trainer Black]

Part 4- Worries Become Reality

   Daveto and Siriana has ran a good distance to hide from Gray. They rested for a few minutes to catch their breath. When started to walk again, there was rustling from all angles and sides.

“What is that?” asked Siriana.

“Whatever it is, get ready for it,” said Daveto then thought to himself, I hope Gray doesn’t plan on us being caught. If so, it’s not going to happen. An Air Cutter instantly came from behind them. Daveto pushed Siriana out of the way and was hit instead. Luckily, it barely skimmed him. Two Air Slashes and a Leech Life came towards Siriana. The pokeball that she received from Gray opened automatically, as did Daveto’s. A Snivy came out of Daveto’s pokeball and a Chickorita came out of Siriana’s. The Chickorita used Grass Pledge to stop the first Air Slash then Razor Leaf to stop the other. Snivy caught the Leech Life with Vine Whip and returned to sender. The attackers finally revealed themselves. There were four Crobat as the assassins.

“So it is Gray,” said Siriana under her breath. Both of them put their Scouters and revealed the moves of Snivy and Chickorita. Daveto smirked and said, “Snivy, Leaf Tornado.”

  “Chickorita, aim your Razor Leaf into the Leaf Tornado,” reacted Siriana quickly. When the moves were executed, the Razor Leaves made a ring around the Leaf Tornado. Two of the Crobats were sucked in and the Razor Leaves went into the Leaf Tornado and the Crobat were screaming in agony. They reached the top of the tornado and were slammed into the ground. The other two used Air Slash again and landed critical hits on Snivy and Chickorita. Daveto and Siriana called them back and sent out Grovyle and Chimchar. One of the Crobats shot a Leech Life at Chimchar.

“Dig,” shouted Siriana, the chimp went underground and dodged the attack. The other Crobat used Air slash then dashed behind it.

“Dragon Breath then Leaf Blade,” said Daveto calmly. Grovyle released a red beam of energy at the Air Cutter and destroyed it. Crobat came up shortly with a Cross Poison. Grovyle intercepted it with two Leaf Blades. When they came into contact, Grovyle was being pushed back. He used his free Leaf Blade to slice Crobat’s head off . Unfortunately, the Cross Poison had a secondary effect besides damage. Grovyle’s status turned to Poison Mode.

“Come out of hiding and use Thunder Punch,” commanded Siriana. When Chimchar came from underground it was covered in blinding light, Preventing Crobat from attacking. When the glowing stopped. Chimchar was of no more. A new Pokemon took form.

“Monferno!” That was its battle cry.

“So you’re a Monferno now…” Siriana stopped talking from being in shock. Without an order, Monferno’s hand turned sky blue. He was seen in only three spots of dust until he punch Crobat dead in the face in a blink of an eye and sent it flying. Monferno learned how to use Mach Punch! The Crobat recovered and glided at amazing speed with Poison Fang. Siriana finally got out of shock and said, “Sorry, Monferno. Wrap it up with Thunder Punch!” Monferno took the same pose of when it was a Chimchar. His hand electrified to the same amount as it’s Chimchar’s Mega Thunder Punch. Instead of clenching his teeth, he grinned and took off. A huge explosion occurred when the two moves collided. Crobat was roasted. Unluckily, Monferno had its status changed to Deadly Poison Mode. Both Grovyle and Monferno returned to their pokeballs to slow the poison’s circulation.

“We need to find Pecha Berries fast,” exclaimed Daveto. Siriana nodded and sent out her Dewott. The three started to look for the berries, but all they found were Sitrus berries and took them. They reached the end of the forest after an hour of searching and ended up at the docks, their destination and noticed a Pokemon Center. They burst through the doors and went to the counter and asked if they could have their pokemon healed.

The man turned around and said, “ What’s the problem?” They let out the four pokemon that needed attention. “Jeannette, take care of the Monferno and Chickorita. I’ll take care of the other two,” said the man. The lady known as Jeannette came from a room to the right. She was a light skinned woman with purple hair, a purple short sleeve shirt with a Seviper on the front of it. Her pants and heels were black.

“Got it, Brock,” she said. Right after, a gigantic explosion occurred at the center of the island. Daveto and Siriana tried to dash out the door, but the two pokeballs from Silver and Red opened automatically. They turned into a shiny Gardevior and a shiny Lucario.

They both grabbed the two kids and used telepathy, saying, “Don’t. You’ll just get yourselves killed along with them. That’s the reason they gave us to you two.”  Daveto looked up at Gardevior and Siriana looked up at Lucario. Siriana bursts into tears on Lucario’s chest while Daveto takes his hat off of his head and places it on his chest and shows respect along with Gardevior when she bows down. After a few minutes, everything was under control at the dock. The soon to be trainers got their pokemon back and ran to the Portman. He easily recognized Lucario and Gardevior and let the four of them on a private boat to the Sinnoh Region, where their real adventure begins…


Like this Rex andv Ff?

[Mr. Fox]

thats cool...