A Man's Hitmonlee. [WARNING ADULT LANGUAGE]

[Level5Pidgey]

*a Spearow is seen pecking at the ground, when a large foot slowly slides underneath it, and kicks it into the air. A follow up aerial kick from a Hitmonlee sends the Spearow flying horizontally at an alarming speed.

The camera cuts to an odd looking trainer holding his arm out holding a Pokeball. The Spearow slams right into the button on the ball, which starts the capture process.
The trainer, looking pleased, clutches the ball tightly, fighting the struggles of the captures Spearow.*

*The same scene happens with a Pidgey,  and then a Rattata*

"Good work Hitmonlee.. oh... oh! Look! A Dunsparce! On the road to Pallet? How strange..." the odd trainer exclaims.
"Well, time for the combo. Let's get it."

*The Hitmonlee kicks the Dunsparce up into the air, but, as it does the follow up kick, its foot sets aflame - sending the Dunsparce flying at such a ridiculous speed that it is KO'd upon contact with the Pokeball - also sending the trainer staggering backwards from the force.*

"What the fuuuccckk, dude? Too much!"
*Hitmonlee makes sounds of annoyance*
"No, don't give me that, just too much dude, too much. You know, you can pull that on Lance's Dragonite and crap but man, a Dunsparce? Come on..."

"Now what are we going to do with this?" the trainer asks, as he holds up the fainted Dunsparce.
*Hitmonlee shrugs, but starts to get a gleam in its eye - it starts to giggle*
"Oh... hehehehe... I think I know what you're thinking..."

---- Later at the Pokemon Centre ---------------

Trainer: "Look out! Coming through! We have an emergency!"
The trainer runs to the front bench.
Trainer: *crying very unconvincingly* "Please, you've got to help my poor Dunsparce! It... it... just totally fainted!"
Nurse: "Uhhh... shouldn't it be in a Pokeball?"
Trainer: *thinking* "It... it would be except you seee..."
The trainer and Hitmonlee look to each other.
Trainer: "Man it totally jammed. Totally... jammed. Like... you know?"
Nurse: *suspicious* "Okay... then... just give it to me..."
Trainer: "Oh, just wondering, will my Pokemon be totally healed?"
Nurse: *smiling* "Of course! Your Pokemon will be fine in no time!"
Trainer: *walking away* "Damn..."
The Nurse looks puzzled in the background.

*The trainer and his Hitmonlee sit in the waiting room*

Trainer: "So like... you know... that was a pretty powerful kick... you know..."
"Like... Dunsparces aren't that light... you... know... you could try to..."
*Hitmonlee shakes it head in an obvious "No." signal*
"Nah but... man..."
*No.*
"I've always wanted to go to Fuschia and well, Snorl--"
*No.*
"Oh well you don't have to give me that, I'm just saying... you know?"
*Hitmonlee rolls its eyes*
"I'm just saying, like, they're not *that* heavy..."
*Hitmonlee shakes its head, clenching its fists in frustration.*


"Like, PokeFlutes are pretty expensi--"
*Hitmonlee makes argumentative noises*
"No, no way am I getting involved in that."
*Why?*
"No. Hey. You know how I feel about fuucking ghostly Marow-- and.. yeah"
*...*
"Well look, you won't be able to touch it. And like, Raichu definitely won't be able to touch-- and... that thing has Team Rocket written all over it you know?"
*...*
"Nah thats totally their kind of thing. Kidnapping old men and all that."
*...*
"And like, you know, that's the police's work. And you know they don't like vigilantes."
*Oh I'm sure they'd--*
"No, no. Did you hear what happened to that fuucking 10 year old kid? The fuucking death sent--"

The loudspeaker chimes "Dunsparce for Tim and ...Makuhita?"

"-- that's what."

*Hitmonlee glares*
"Hey, no, don't you give me that look! You're a wanted Pokemon in like, 5 fuucking cities, we can't use your real species!"
*Hitmonlee gives a very hushed "Don't go there" action*
"Hey I'm not bringing it up, I'm just saying... but... dude... with a Skitty? Come on..."
*Hitmonlee kicks the trainer in the shins*

*Cut to the emergency room, Dunsparce is still recovering*

"Hey doc, I thought you said it would be A-OK."
"Well, the Dunsparce took quite a beating, it's still a little hurt"
*The doctor turns away to prepare medication, while the trainer's face lights up and the trainer and his Hitmonlee exchange high fives*
"Now, you'll need to administer a couple of potions over the next couple of hours..."
*The trainer quickly captures the Dunsparce, and the duo climb out of the open window*
"So all you need to do is just...."

"Oh what the fuuck?"


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of story. I told you it would be crazy.

[Alais]

Haha, Pidgey, I love it. None of your normal pokemon sugar-sweetness or bad guys = evil. I normally can't read pokemon fan fiction because it's full of suffocatingly innocent trainers who are all so unforgivably nice. You should keep writing this! I was really disappointed when it ended.

[spirit]

Hmmm....I don't know how to respond to this.

I think I saw a spelling error or two, but that doesn't matter.

Ummmm.....Oh, I know what I can say about it

Haha, Pidgey, I love it. None of your normal pokemon sugar-sweetness or bad guys = evil. I normally can't read pokemon fan fiction because it's full of suffocatingly innocent trainers who are all so unforgivably nice. You should keep writing this! I was really disappointed when it ended.

[stephenkill2]

bahaha, I want a hitmonlee! 

[duotent]

i wanna be hiding in nurse joys office na joke but 9999999/2 stars XXDD P.S. i dont care about the adult language

[Level5Pidgey]

*FFSSSHHHTTT*

"Today in the news, a trainer hanged his Electabuzz with an Ekans, due to its apparent lack of modesty.

Reportedly, the trainer and Ekans double teamed the Electric Pokemon out of frustration, after an incident in which the trainer argues that the Electabuzz acted out of spite as it snatched and flung the Trainer's light screen television. The Trainer insists he was attacked by the deceased after he demanded payback for damages.

The Trainer left the building, but returned in a haze with his Ekans who began to torment the Electabuzz.
Despite the Trainer's drunkenness, Electabuzz was evidently not swift enough to act as it failed to dodge Ekan's wrap and was strung up to the load-bearing hyper beam on the roof. As the struggle took place, the deceased felt feint but fought and low kicked the wall resulting in a brick break. According to doctors, the ordeal was likely over in a flash as the Electabuzz didn't have enough strength to protect itself from the beat up dealt by the Trainer and his Pokemon. Needless to say, the attack was super effective.

The incident attracted attention as the Trainer swaggered down his residential street yelling of the attack, sending a shock wave throughout the Pokemon Trainer community. Official Trainer Representatives say that there need to be more safeguards in place so that irresponsible and violent trainers cannot captivate Pokemon without a permit.

The Ekans and its trainer are being stockpiled in holding where Federal Agents are charging the Trainer with pre-meditated murder. The Agents are reportedly having trouble lowering the suspect's facade -  and are offering protection in return for co-operation on this matter. The defendant's lawyer, however, says the chances of a discharge are low, and is trying to negotiate terms over additional charges involving the possession of gunk shots and gastro acids.

This is the second incident involving the Trainer this year, after he attacked several Cubones for their negative temperament during the Christmas period."

[Alais]

-_-;

[spirit]

I find this stuff rather amusing, and that is about all i can say about them....i don`t really have a comment i want to make.

[Jerry]

They were good

The second one was surprising in the way you used the terms used in pokemon ^.^

[Phosphorous]

haha I liked it :]
makes me wanna grab a bat and smash my van :]

[Shiranui]

haha I liked it :]
makes me wanna grab a bat and smash my van :]

And you don't find that a bit much??

BUT ANYWHOM!!!!!!
I found the first story extremely hilarious, and the second story rather amusing. I'll say keep up the good work.

[Mr Pokemon]

Rofl, I thought it was funny how you included a lot of Pokemon moves in the second one, plus the super effective and stuff. Keep up the good work!

[masterben430]

well that was interesting to say the least. i loved it plz make more

[Sazhuy]

That was pretty good, can't wait to see more.

[Level5Pidgey]

Ever since I was waited upon by a trainer and his Pikachu in Porta Vista, I'd always wanted to work in a restaurant with my Bulbasaur. A family friendly restaurant, where humans an Pokemon work together to serve up the best food? A dream to me.

But here I am, I glide across tables with my Venusaur... and occasionally slip, as Mr Mime and Krabby - our clean up crew, sometimes fail to place Wet Floor signs.
I picked myself up off the floor, rubbing my head - customers asked if I was alright, and I was just happy that I was taking orders rather than carrying food.

My Venusaur dusted me off with his powerful vines - nudging me a little hard - but, he's a Venusaur, not exactly the most dexterous with their limbs. I thanked him, and got back to the kitchen, where my manager's Magneton was flipping pancakes.

"Yeah, we have a couple of omelettes, and a bacon roll", I reported.
As I went to heat the bacon, I heard a man yelling in the main dining lobby.

"GIVE IT OVER YOU FUUCKING MIME" the man yelled, as I burst into the lobby - only to have a rifle pointed at my face. "DON'T MAKE ANOTHER MOVE YOU PIECE OF SHIIT!" the man yelled. He seemed somewhat panicked, as if this was his first hold up... but in the panick department, I think he was holding his own better than myself.
I let out a short whimper, and dove back into the kitchen, bullets riddling the wall behind me.

I heard a great bellow, and the man scream. Regaining my nerves, I peeked out the door again.
"LET GO OF ME YOU GOD DAMN VENUS.... AIIIUGGHH!" the man yelled, as my Venusaur tightened his grip on the man's torso, crushing the air out of his lungs.

"Venusaur! It's okay! I'm fine!" I yelled. Venusaur let out a grunt of relief, and relaxed his grip - but still held the man suspended in the air with his tree-trunk-like tendrils.
"Keep him wrapped up while I call the police!" I ordered. "Be calm everybody! The situation is under control! Don't make an effort to leave the restaurant, the police will be here soon!"

I went to get the phone, while trying to calm down a very shaken Mr Mime.
"In fact, could you bring the man over this way please Venusaur? I just want to get him out from amongst the customers" I asked.
Venusaur started to lumber towards the main counter, when I suddenly heard a confused roar, 8 octaves of screaming, a loud thump and the sound of blood splattering all over the front windows of the restaurant. People started to scream.

"Calm down everybody!" I screamed, wiping the blood from my eyes and surveying the scene.
Venusaur had slipped on the wet floor I had earlier - and, on his way to the ground, had accidentally ripped the criminal in half - vertically from nose to naval.
I vomited.

Venusaur was shocked as it rose from the bloody floor - covered in blood and intestines. He held the lifeless corpse still - entrails falling to the floor as he shuddered, eventually dropping his victim.
Customers, sprayed with blood, pieces of intestines all through their hair and on their clothes ran from the restaurant screaming. All I could do was approach Venusaur with a rag, mopping the blood from his eyes. "It's okay buddy" I said, vomiting again as the putrid smell of organs filled my nose, "it wasn't your fault".

I have no idea what I am going to tell my manager.